Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
