Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
