her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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