So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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