I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
