That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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