Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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