you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
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He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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