College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
