Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
