i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
there is glitter all over my balls
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