literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
false alarm, still single
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