At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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