come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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