I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
