You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
