You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
