so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
