dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
