worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
