So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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