dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
