I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The best revenge is premature balding
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
