Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
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he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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