Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
this boner is exhausting
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
ttyl tear gas
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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