So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
