2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
