So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
