Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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