batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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