You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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