I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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