yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
