You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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