Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
