just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
