I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Green mimosas i think yes
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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