There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
