Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
