do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
