I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
