All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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