my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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