Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
