may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
