She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
