There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
it's great music for shaving your balls
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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