This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
