PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
