Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
tell me about the eggs
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
