Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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