Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
