its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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