walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
