Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
