he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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