Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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