i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
