is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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