I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
When are your genitals available?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
