So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize
