some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
