i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
