i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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