Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
