FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
