You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
