She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
