well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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