Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
