I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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