So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
