this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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