I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
