I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
