420 ftw
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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