Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
