ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
