we made out on top of his cat.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
