ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
