brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
