Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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