You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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