How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Found your dick twin last night
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
