Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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